I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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