Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
