there was a trapeze. enough said
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
