Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
