Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
