i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
