Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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