we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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