I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
