I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
