who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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