where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
