I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
