let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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