if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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