Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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