i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
