thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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