Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
