Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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