so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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