There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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