They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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