you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
