like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
