I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
