i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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