I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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