3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
