The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
