dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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