all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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