He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
