I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
