I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
