she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
