Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
