a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
