wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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