Pappa wants mamma naked
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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