I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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