I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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