Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
