apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
