I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
