I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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