Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize