he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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