You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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