Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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