i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize