Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
