So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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