I haven't been this sober since birth.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
