I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
