I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize