Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
