You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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