So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
try to milk me bitch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
