I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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