Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
