butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
