you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
