I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize