You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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