If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
