Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
