Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
