seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i've created a new STD.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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