The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
