I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
