So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
