cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
