Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
