Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
