So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
